This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

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Especially for men (hand raised for leaving dishes by the sink many times) who rarely talk openly about their divorces.

With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and the practical insights of The 5 Love Languages, This is How Your Marriage Ends helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives, and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction.

So, while I enjoyed this book and think it is completely worthwhile reading for men and women, I hesitate to hand it off to my husband because I think the missing points about time and value are fundamental to the discussion.

At the risk of being vulnerable , I can tell you that much of this book was uncomfortable to read because it is so damn relatable; cross out a few names, insert your own and away you go. It's a book that validates women's experiences, and hearing a former husband validate their pain can certainly be healing and cathartic. Secrecy came naturally to John le Carré, and there were some secrets that he fought fiercely to keep, nowhere more so than in his private life. I didn't know until after reading most of it that this book, is, in fact, mostly recycled material from his blog. I think that Fray's thesis that "good men can be bad spouses" and that it's the "little things" that lead to the demise of a relationship rather than the "big relationship crimes" (abuse, infidelity, etc.This is How Your Marriage Ends offers immediately actionable advice to help readers identify toxic behaviour patterns in their own lives, and break them out of the cycles of dysfunction that ruin relationships.

That’s what this chapter of my life was supposed to be about, varying degrees of success depending on the subject, but I’m certainly proud of the mental and emotional work I’ve done RE: relationships. Problem is, the self-damning conclusions he comes to tend to be quite extreme, and so the man in a relationship trying to explain his perspective becomes total denial of the woman’s perspective (which it of course can be and I’ll believe the author’s claim that it was in his relationship, but the blanket statement is insane and extremely condescending). I kept my day job until I could afford not to, then I took the leap in late September 2020 to be a full-time book author and relationship coach. Collaborate and listen," and if The Peace Treaty is working as intended, the other will respond, "Ice is back with a brand-new edition," singing the lyrics to Vanilla ICe's cheesy 1990 hit "Ice Ice Baby. Marriages can end because people forget to compliment their spouse every day or thank them for the little things, like bringing them a cup of tea, or tidying up the living room.Each and every time she tried, I made it clear to her how much I disagreed and how certain I was that I was correct.

Unfortunately, the advice he offers fails to consider the female perspective and in fact often infantilizes and vilifies women. If you're a husband, this book will make you uncomfortable and ask you to sit with that feel and work out why. When we are obstacles to our partners' pursuit of their own needs, or when we neglect to fulfill any needs that fall to us as their partners, we are complicit in their decisions to pursue those needs elsewhere. So to summarize, marriages fail when one partner does not care about the pain that they are causing the other partner. I did manage to get my spouse to start reading it, but whether or not it makes a difference remains to be seen.This book is more polished than his blog posts, so if you've read a couple of his posts there and find that they resonate, the book is a way to explore the ideas a bit more in-depth, in an organized fashion. I thought I was intelligently sharing a different way to think about it so that my wife could adjust her silly feelings so she wouldn't be inconvenienced by them. It’s easy to assume people judge us based on who we are as people, when all they really care is about how we perform in the context that matters to them.